hundreds and thousands

Last night I learned that if you drop a jar of "hundreds and thousands" onto a tiled floor then it takes over an hour to clean them up. I also learned that a hover is no use as when it passes over the tiny sweets it fires them round the room like a machine gun.

stamp stamp stamp stamp

I bought a date stamp yesterday. Its great, I've been date stamping everything I can get my hands on.

Hold the page

Bookmark - designed for an exhibition of artist created bookmarks at Leeds Library. The call asked that you look at ways to use the bookmark as a source of inspiration to create new work and to recirculate ideas. My design has holes, which when overlaid onto the page create an abstract poem from the book being read. The user is then asked to write this poem on a scrap of paper and leave in the book for the next person to find. If you'd like a bookmark yourself, then click here to download and print one out.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/200/465101731_532294e9ca_b.jpg

ps - the holes are a nightmare to cut out - my fingers are still killing me

pps - I think I'll start posting links to other sites that i like at the bottom of posts. Like for example today go visit - http://www.martin-munoz.com/main.html

Cambridge

We had a grand time in Cambridge. Only there three days but we managed to cram lots in - a massage on my shoulder, a punt, assisting the sausage man, port in the guest lodge of st johns collage, a wander at night around the bridge of sighs, a wedding in the grand hall, books from the market, many hours of sleeping in the sun and a visit to some baby ducks in the Botanic Gardens. I think Ann liked the ducks the best.

When i grow up

I've always been suspicous of people who say they can read your fortune.

Firstly because I don't believe they actually can. (For if they can see the future, why are none of them millionaires on the lottery.)

My second concern is that if it does works, and they really can see what is going to happen to me, do I really want to know anyway, or would knowing what the future holds take all the fun out of it?

I need to start making some proper pictures. These little doodles are just not real work.

The priest in the night

Two nights ago I went to meet this journolist for a quick drink after work and to chat about his new book.Then I went to Anns to pick up an empty bbq gas cylinder.

Then I went to ASDA where despite only planning on buying one thing, I became zombified for nearly an hour and a half. When I finally went over to pay for all my items. The girl at the counter had lost her voice. Resulting in much comedy as I can't understand a word shes trying to whisper to me. A very stilted conversation follows.

Eventually I leave and drive to the flat, where I get gav to give me a hand up the stairs with my purchases. I stick a lasange in the oven and go to park the car.

As I drive round the corner I meet my mate Duire. Durie has been at a NHS training class where he and his fellow nurses have been learning to do self defence. The class finished at 2pm and the nurses have all been drinking since then. He is pretty hammered, giggling and stepping on and off the pavement. I go over to chat to him.

We are standing having a laugh when we hear someone calling over to us for help. We look round but can't see anyone. The call comes again and this time we spy a head poking over the bonnet of a car. We walk over. There is a large man the size and shape of robbie coltrane with crazy birds nest hair. He is sitting on one of those motorised vechicles for the disabled. He is dressed in full kilt and jacket which is covered in various scottish and religious pins. He is also a priest.

Turns out, he is having vechicle trouble. The motorised machine keeps conking out. He asks if we can give him a small push to get it going. We are rather sceptical of this working as the cart is battery powered but we agree. We position our selves at the back and on the count of three we push and push and push but nothing happens appart from the veins in our necks popping out. "Oh wait" calls the priest, "I need to turn it on to get it to move. Lets try again"We're knackered already and Durie is still hammered and sniggering. He keeps looking around and saying we are on TV. I shush him.

We push again and after a few second it does start to move. It is so blooming heavy, its like moving a boulder. The cart then starts and he begins to drive off slowly. Thank goodness. "Cheers lads" he calls.

We look at each other with glad thats over expressions. Suddenly CRUNCH. The cart has stopped again. It has only moved about 2 metres "Oh lads, lads can you give me another push." So we go over and push again. Again it starts, again he drives off, again it gets 2 metres, again it breaks down. It does this over and over, each time it travels less and less.

We keep asking him questions about the cart. Is there a brake on it or something as its hardly moving when we push. Is it out of batteries, has it done this before. He doesn't often really listen and it seems his focus is quite wandering.

Eventually after 15 mins of pushing we manage to get the information that he only bought the cart today and is driving it home for the first time. And that he stays a good twenty five minute walk from where we are. We point out we can't push him all that way as its taken us over twenty mints to get 2 metres. We suggest a taxi but he says, thats what the subway men tried and no taxi would take him???

We then notice he has a box with all the cars kit and instructions in it and we suggest we push him into a nearby petrol station and see if they'll let him charge it up. He agrees and we begin pushing again. We then discover that he's got a flat tyre.

Duire is sniggering away and keeps muttering that its a setup and that the guy is a faker. I point out that he is a nurse and has a duty of care to help folk. And that the only way to find out if he is a faker is to call him on it and that I don't think either of us has the balls to accuse a disabled priest of being a liar.

As we near the petrol station I run ahead to check with them its ok. I go into the shop and say "excuse me mate, I've got a slight situation outside I was wondering if you could help me with. We've got a disabled priest in a kilt on a moterised cart and its broken down, could he come in a charge it up."The guy does look at me like i'm a mental but he agrees to help. He joins us in pushing. The three of us push and push and get him towards the door.

At this point the priest says. "Would it be easier if I got off and walked?" Is this guy taking the mick? We say yes and so he gets off and holds onto the handle bars as we push. He also turns the ignition key and the cart kicks on and zooms ahead dragging him along. It misses the door and bumps into a wall.We have to reverse it back into the shop. He hasn't quite mastered the contorls yet and it takes awhile to get in the door. Much to the annoyance of the customers trying to get in and the customers trying to get out.

Once inside we drive over to the nearest plug socket and he opens the case to get the charging cables. The cable is only about 30cms long. The socket is about a metre up the wall, it doesn't reach. The assistant goes to get an extentsion cable. But the priest refuses to use it as the one bit of advise the second hand cart salesman gave him was - don't use an extension cable.

We hunt the shop for a more accessible socket. Eventually, behind a display of easter eggs we find one. But to get to it, the cart has to be turned around. The priest begins to attempt a three point turn in the aisle. I finally loose it as he manages to get it stuck at 90 degrees in the aisle like a scene from austin powers. He also doesn't have full control so he keeps driving full force, into sheleves of sweets and easter eggs, knocking them down. He edges forwards and backwards, forwards and backwards. The pressure cooker of emotion is to much for me and i just can't help but begin to giggle. The effort of trying to keep it in, causes tears to run down my face.

I compose myself long enough to make our apologies, hand over responsibility to the shop assistants and leg it.

Laughing Durie and I part at the door and I wander home to find my lasange burned. Doh

EDIT: In further news. Last night while we were having a pizza making party, ann nipped out to move her car and went into the petrol station to buy some tomato sauce and the priest was still sitting exactly where we had left him, in the same outfit. Has he even been home? Will he be there tonight? Will the excitement never end?

EDIT: No he wasn't there and he has not been since. Sorry this is an older image but when I saw the title today and drew and image it was identical to the little bean man riding the bike and it reminded me of this post and this funny story and thought people would enjoy it. Happy Easter.

Snap

It is a funny thing that if two women are wearing the same outfit then it is a social disaster and the two women will make snidy comments about each other all night. Where if two men are wearing the same shirt, there is a every chance they will be best friends for life.

Had a fun weekend, planting a hundred seeds of different kinds of veggie in pots on the roof. I've expanded the selection this year to include corn, courgettes and parsnips. Fingers crossed they work. I was also at a 9 year olds birthday party where we played football for hours. My legs are killing me.

It "totally" works

Well it took me ten days to get it to work but I think I have finally managed to get a hang of this html thing. The new site is online, albeit in a temporary home, before it moves to be part of the Hole in my pocket site properly. But for now you can click on the links above and see other bits and pieces I've made.

Only the blog main page is fixed into place, so don't bookmark any other pages just yet. Please let me know, if anyione finds any missing links, corrupt images or just badly spelled and written words.

Under Construction

Gav's snow duck - 2006 (by Gav)

I am attempting to smarten up this blog and make it a bit more seamless with my section of Hole in my Pocket.com. You may notice a few changes in the next week as I try and work out what all the html stuff is all about. Fingers crossed I don't screw the whole thing up completely and it disapers.

I may also try learn how to spell things better.

Hide and Seek

Hide and Seek (Click to view larger image)

Busy weekend, running errands, sanding wood and visiting an exhibiton (designed by a friend) of work by two artists at the Tramway in Glasgow. Was an interesting show, think my three favourite items were, a big black wall dividing the space, a video of colour blobs moving about to music and the strange light on a couple of paintings that made them look holy.

I did, as always, struggle to understand the explanation handout or why none of the works had titles. The handout contained lots of phrases about "the viewer creating the work in the moment of experience" which I tend to think is a cop out for art, when it's really just abstract non-sense and is pretending to have some kind of deeper meaning. That being said, I did enjoy the show.

This weekend I also had nice chats with; an old man on the bus who used to drive tanks, a balding man who collects antique mechanical devices and a slightly drunk lady who was taking photos of the moon eqlipse, with her flash so "it will come out brighter".

Communication

Last night, when walking home, a woman walked towards me with a shawl wrapped round her head. She sppeared to be waving at me, but as it was dark I could not clearly make this out. As we got nearer however I realised it was just the way she was carrying her bag and wiggling her fingers. I then noticed that she was staring intently at me with huge bulging white eyes and that she had a pretty weird expression on her face.

The shawl was not, as I had first thought, part of a religious dress but was just a dark wrap of material pulled tightly round her head. There was something about this shawl and about the womans strange expression that made me feel very uneasy - as we passed (her still blantently staring at me) I gave a half smile. She tensed, wiggled her fingers and muttered some words in a deep gutteral tone. The words were angry but unintelligable and the way they came tumbling out gave the impression, they were also spoken almost involuntary. I began wondering if she suffered from tourettes like tha man I saw in the street last week. I then heard her chanting and turned to see her standing still, arms raised out to her sides, muttering loudly - the only good way I can think to accuratly describe this was to say it sounded like a curse. Much disturbed I quickly walked round the corner and went home. But the question remains in my head . . . did I meet a witch.

Sprout

Sprout (2007)
Clay

Canada

Farm - near London ON

We had a great and chilly time in Canada, where it was a lovely but cold -10oC. (-20 with wind chill) We spent a few days with my family in the country, just outside of London ON and then spent some time with Ann's family in downtown Toronto.

Canada's a lovely country, everything looked to be a lot cleaner than back home, but maybe thats because all the rubbish was hidden by 30cm of snow.

We saw lots of interesting things - including a brilliant flee market near my aunts, (where Ann bought 6 jars of buttons) and a piece of performance theatre in Toronto involving members of the auidence, pre-recorded interviews and video projection looking at ideas for what the future will hold for us all. Was very thought provoking and entertaining stuff.

I'd only ever been to Canada in the summer time before so the extreme cold was a bit of a shock but it did make the trip feel more fun and wearing thermals all the time was increadibly comfy, it felt like you were wearing pajamas all day.


In site you (2007) Toronto

Crash

Florida Zoo Hijack (2006)
[Pen/ digital]

Right thats it, I'm finished work and am going home to pack. See you all when I get back, unless I find internet access on our travels. Blog will return in 10 days.

1 day to go

Lumberjack and friends (2007)
[Clay]

My obsession with the wee lumberjack and his woodland adventures continues with these clay figures. They are slightly larger than I usually work with. Normally, figures I make are only about 1cm tall, with these however the lumberjack is about 10cm. I'm pretty pleased with the results and I think I might work at this scale again.

Had a nice meal with some friends in town last night, hadn't seen Alex and Cathie for ages so it was good to see them. Not quite finished the packing, will have to do so tonight. This time tomorrow morning Ann and I will be in the sky somewhere over the Atlantic.

Two days to go

First Contact (2006)
[Clay]

Just about packed. Hopefully the sudden flurry of snow that has hit the country will not have any affect on our flights. Aparently its shut down transport and airports in England, so fingers crossed they get themselves together before Saturday morning.

If you are looking for some excitement this weekend and you are in Edinburgh, then you should pop along to the Attic Salt Gallery at 50 Thistle Street, North East Lane where Guy Bishop (The man who built the Storytelling Machine) has a new exhibiton of fabulous architectural wonders. visit his site to find out more www.guybishop.com.

Maple leaves

http://pursuingtheredshoe.blogspot.com/

I'm going to try and post something everyday this week as me and wee annie (I've lost my red shoe) are away on holiday to Toronto for a week and I'll prob fail to maintain my weekly uploads. I'm looking forward to our trip will be great to get away, its only the second proper holiday we'll have gone on together, due to several travel disasters in the past. We seem to be only able to go on holiday together if its to a country where its really cold.

Ann advises it will be -10 oC over there, so I'm away to buy a new hat and gloves.

Tales from the Edge of the World

Lighthouse keeper and bird - (sketch for some clay figures I plan to make tonight)

I had a very enjoyable evening on Sunday. I went to watch a large moustached American man playing banjo and singing songs about his adventures with the hobos.

I also had the great pleasure in watch a 1988 episode of the old darts based quiz show - "Bullseye". It was wonderful - a total nostalgic experience, every moment of the show sparked off old memories. From the naf theme music - the host, Jim Bowen, looking into the wrong cameras to do links, the short, stout assistant doing the commentary on the dart scores. The contestants, wearing crazy 1980's outfits and sporting dodgy hairdos, moustaches and home made tattoos, to the shows mascot Bully, a fat Bull in a stripy shirt.

The best bit of the show however was at the end when they listed all the prizes that could be won. There were nine, including - a washing machine (automatic), a wooden rocking chair, a travel hair-drier, a scalextric set, a coffee maker, a selection of fine wine (5 red, 5 white) and top prize, a weekend for four in London. Despite winning the above and winning the grand total of £510 (which was one of the highest totals Jim advised) they decided to gamble and go for the star prize hidden behind a big screen.

Thankfully it was a happy ending and they managed to score 101 with 6 darts and an original mini-city was theirs. This was a pretty good prize back in the day, the usual star prize was a speedboat, which to most people back in the 80's would have been completely useless.

All in all, a wonderful bit of entertainment and I may very well watch it every week from now on.

For more info on Bullseye and a walk down memory lane check out -

http://www.ukgameshows.com/page/index.php/Bullseye

Sprout

First animation

Hmmm - my first attempt at using my new animation programme. Seems to be pretty easy to get the hang of the basics. I'll try to make any future films a little bit more exciting.

Bear

Lumberjack wood 2 (2007)
[Clay, plaster metal]

I like this little lumberjack fellow. Think he might be an interesting character to continue to draw and design clay sculptures about. Here he has stumbled upon a bear while walking in the woods.

Break Glass in Case of Emergency

Break Glass in Case of Emergency (2004)
[clay, perspex and wood]

I sold the above piece at an exhibition in London a couple of years ago and last week we were reunited as it requires some repair following a wee accident. The glass did indeed break but thankfully it was not an emergency and with a wee bit of work over the weekend, it will be good as new and on its way home come Monday.

There are lots more of these wee guys availible for viewing and purchase at my website http://holeinmypocket.com/pages/alburt/art.htm

Pirate Wood

Pirate Wood (12cm dia x 50cm) 2007

Pirate Wood [close up] 2007

For some reason I'm a bit obsessed with making things with woods/ forests or trees in them. Guess its because they are such good backgrounds for stories - full of magic, mystery and possible fear.

I plan to make a series of these wee models and with each one I will attempt to capture a moment from a story waiting to be told.

Wood

Lumberjack (14cm x 20cm)

My cousin told me a story about his adventures on the NYC underground. One morning, in his first week of work, when getting on the train, he dropped his paper. As he bent down to pick it up, the doors closed and he got stuck with his head on one side and his body still on the platform. Luckily the train won't move if the doors aren't fully closed so he didn't have to run really quickly down the tunnels. The New Yorkers quickly lept to his assistance and forced the doors open. Once free Stuart fell face first into the train and then had to try and stand up with the remenants of his dignity and act like everything was ok.

First drawings of the year

The hook (14cm x 10cm) 2007

This year, I am going to attempt to be a bit more proactive when it comes to producing artwork. I will now try to create a new painting or sculputre every week. We shall see how long this manages to continue for.

Happy New Year

Hopefully this message finds everyone fit and happy. Today, is my first day back at work and to cheer myself up, I have pinned this picture to the wall.

Help

Not sure why the jar appears orange when uploaded as its actually drawn blue, but never mind.

9 - 5

It is very nearly Christmas, and with only 4.5 days left of work, it is very hard to remain in office mode. Almost time to cast off the office attire and relax.

Christmas is coming

Good coincidence, todays IF: topic is "might" and I have just drawn a little fellow who is mighty indeed. He is one of many cheerful characters hidden behind the doors of my advent calender. (See below).

To make the advent calender, simply download and print out the following two images. Overlay on each other and rip/cut away the little boxes each day. What fun.

The files you need are:

front sheet
http://static.flickr.com/114/311193544_7042079735_b_d.jpg

rear sheet
http://static.flickr.com/113/311214549_d36c20b10a_b_d.jpg

It's a small world after all

On a recent visit to London, we stumbled across the National Guild of Toymakers annual shop/exhibition and there we saw some wonderful things. Inculding a cut out and make red paper dragon and the amazing teeny, tiny automata toys of St Ledger Autmomata.com.
http://www.stlegerautomata.com/index.html

These miniscule painted metal figures are only around 1 cm tall but when you wind their handles, they start to move and come alive and tell short, humorous tales. Brillant. Personal favourites, were the wizard, the dentist, the levitating lady and Samson the strong man.